I do not wish to divulge much except that I spend 8 hours a day inside a building made of glass.
Funny, its glass bosom doesn’t make it fragile, but rather steely, like a cage.
People inside glass buildings are devoid of warmth. They also happen to be slightly twisted (for lack of a better word). They say stuff they don’t actually mean, and keep silent when you wish they’d speak.
Your frequent attempts at making friends will be rebuffed with an impassive grin. This is a place camaraderie is rejected with a smile so sly you’d end up thinking there’s something wrong with you. This is where you need to remind yourself otherwise, or the building will swallow you whole.
I try my best to be as kind as I possibly can. To be myself so as to give some other frail heart the courage to be itself too, but so far it has all been in vain. The nicer you are, the more they feed off of you.
This is also a place they ask you your position in life, to gauge the level of nice they need to portray.
I have deftly observed every human in my vicinity here. To some I have even given a score. But the score is irrespective of how little dependance can be placed on the appearance of either character or merit. Every day strengthens my resolve to never end up like them.
I have also lost my appetite or my distinct fondness of food. Most of the time I’m swallowing to sustain my organs.
The commute back home is my only pocket of contemplation. And my heart is so heavy with the burden of an entire, joyless day that, after lying about how great my day was to those who ask, I find myself crawling under a blanket and never wishing to see the light again.
Thank heavens for all the novels I’ve read, they assuage my grief with the naive hope that things will get better, like they did for our heroes stuck in pages. I will also try my best to empathise more, everybody has a story, the people in my vicinity have a story too; who am I to impart judgement?
Hoping for a better tomorrow (& happy that the person reading this is here for me),
Update: January 18th- I lost an earring inside this glass castle. Which somehow, makes everything worse.
Note: If you wish to read the first part go here.