Extremes

Lately my heart oscillates too much,

between boundless joy and utter despair.

The joy dissipates as fast as it arrives

The despair however lingers longer.

The centre of my heart turns cold

The core of my body layered in sheets of ice

When I breathe

It takes collective effort of every muscle.

I also feel weak, emotionally.

Drained, mentally.

I have always had a fire burning inside me,

It feeds my spirit.

In despair, the fire dies. Only wisps of spoke remain.

Until a tiny, insignificant moment ignites it again,

And my heart is warmer,

like it’s home.

I live for those moments of joy,

I wait patiently for them to show up,

I revel in their uncertainty, like a drug,

I wait for them to grant me a quick flash of intense euphoria,

until my heart starts beating again,

instead of thrumming.

Soon it is over.

A giant heaviness seems to have taken residence in my heart,

I have a feeling it won’t leave, but grow.

I will come to hope more,

And after having it tossed aside,

I will learn to live in the comforting possibility of what never was,

but could’ve been.

My inner Seol is my consolation. 🙂

Love always,

Your blogger.

4 thoughts on “Extremes

  1. Inner Seol. 🙂 Korean culture has really touched you hasn’t it? This describes bipolar disorder beautifully by the way. Even if you didn’t intend it to. I don’t think you did. I forget that everyone experiences this in some form or shape. Euphoria doesn’t have to translate to mania like it does for me. Anyway, this is great!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow. You just opened me to a new perspective altogether. I think in some form, mild or intense, we’re all slightly bipolar. What a comforting thought haha.

      Like

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