Poem to fix someone

Sometimes it gets so quiet that my head hurts,
then i see a slender beam of light escaping
through my curtain,
at 4 am,
and all is well for 15 seconds.

until I jerk to reality,
and go pee,
in the tiniest bathroom in the world.
but big enough to fit us.

sometimes at 3 am,
when sleep is out of the question,
i hear the distant rumble of a train.
bellowing through the night,
someone on that train can’t sleep either,
thinking of stuff he cannot fix,

like I think of myself.

To think that things cannot be fixed,
is a folly.
even a broken bone is healed,
what then is a broken heart?

only sometimes to get fixed soon,
you need a hand.
a pair of hands,
and a pair of eyes,
and a pair of arms.

“Come here”, I say out loud in my empty room,

“I’ll fix you.”

 

Love always,

Your blogger.

4 years of Brooding in the Tepid Dusk

4 years ago, on a particularly dreary night, I took the decision of starting a blog. I never gave it too much thought; came up with the name ‘Brooding in the Tepid Dusk’ and thus began my journey of writing all the things I can probably never say in person.

Ironically, today I find myself short of words to express how grateful I am to anyone who has ever visited BITD. The real purpose of this blog was for me to open up. To talk about things that I can’t talk about with people around me.
To make sense of the world I live in.

I never thought anyone would ever bother reading what I wrote here. That this place would be a void where I rambled away the confusion in my mind. But in these 4 years, I made so many friends here, interacted personally with so many of you.

I was stunned, that people on this blog not only read what I wrote, but also understood. They empathized and I even received some very loving e-mails from people of so many countries.

It’s crazy how important this blog has become to me. It’s the place I go to when I’m not okay. Somehow, all of you, you wonderful WordPress community makes it okay.

I grew up learning from all of you. I was 18 when I started writing here, when I was going through, what I call the most emotionally challenging period of life so far and this blog got me through all of it. You guys got me through all of it.

I once read this thought that the idea is to not live forever, but to leave something behind that does.

I feel really fortunate to think that if someday I’m not here, at least this little space I created on the internet always will. The things I wrote here will stay. All the people I’ve interacted with will, at some point in their life, remember me.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. For assuring me that all these thoughts in my mind make sense.

122 Posts, 841 followers, 16435 blog hits, 1790 shares, 2984 likes.

And I’m only getting started.

 

Love always,

Your blogger.

Ideas!

I still remember when I made the decision to blog; almost a year back. It was all out of impulse, nothing specific. When I began writing initially my mind was brimming with stuff to write, so much to rant about. But as time proceeded my mind became empty, or at least I felt it became empty. I saw all these beautiful posts from absolutely talented people and I wondered where do they get the IDEA from? Why don’t I have anything to write about. Something nice; something genuine.

Slowly I realized I was pushing myself too hard. I understood that I should not stress on my mind to fetch ideas, I must let the ideas come to me. And the day this realization dawned upon me they started coming in one by one. As of now I’m never devoid of ideas, now I feel I have so many things to write about that sometimes I forget, as I mentioned here.

And although I never told you all and I have no idea if it’s the same case with you guys, but to me ideas come at night. When I’m finally switching off the lights of my room and I hear them coming. I hear the ground below rumbling and I feel them thundering towards me from a far, mystical land I don’t recognize and I understand that if I don’t grab a pen or paper I’d loose them as they pass through me and they’d go to some other writer far away. I know, it may sound lame, but IT HAPPENS. It really does.

I don’t understand this phenomena, but if in any case I miss those IDEAS they keep troubling me throughout. Like they leave behind a minuscule part of them in my mind to bother me.

What surprises me, is they never announce their entrance. They always come in unlikely situations. When I’m driving I obviously don’t have a pen and a paper to jot them down, so I keep repeating my ideas in my mind so I don’t forget them until I reach my destination and pen them down rigorously. Same happens at night as well. Good thing I have a notepad and a pen beside my bed.

About a week before I was watching a TED Talk by the lovely Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s called ‘Your Elusive Creative Genius’ and when she explained my psyche in words;I was in awe. All this while I couldn’t figure out what happened to me but she just said it-right there. Technically that poet said it but anyway.

Here, see for yourself. (For the main part skip to 10:10)

You can watch the rest of the TED Talk as well. It’s brilliant.

Although it’s creepy how they visit me, I always welcome those mysterious carriers of ideas. They might have unorthodox methods of visiting me, but they do help this Indian writer to jot something down on her little blog for you lovely people to read.

How do your ideas fetch you?

To be posted when you hit 200

Dear Readers,
I hope you all are doing really well and I wish this week is bringing you all the love and luck.

In all honesty, I wrote the above line 3 times and deleted it and then wrote it again because  I have no idea what I was writing.

Why I was writing it? I can give you an answer to that.

Today I hit 200 followers on WordPress and I couldn’t be more grateful and delighted. I still remember when I initiated blogging, I thought nobody would be interested in anything I wrote and that I’d end up ranting about petty things by myself.

But there were different plans for me and as of today I’ve managed to hold up a repository of the most kind-hearted and wonderful 200 people I could assemble. WordPress gave me people I  wish I’d be friends with. The kind of people I wished I could meet in real life. As in person-not just a gravatar image.

Most important of all-I found that there are humans who share my thoughts and feelings and make me realize that I’m not alone in this. There are people out there in the remotest  corners of the world, across vast oceans and seas who understand me and relate to my psyche and make me believe that I’m not insane.

You all wonderful souls have been superfluously kind to me and have helped me nurture and grow into the girl I am today. I’ve learned so much from each one of you and have somehow found little parts of my thoughts in your words-which is a rare phenomena in my life.

Once again, I’m eternally grateful to anyone reading this post, follower or not, to have spared 2 minutes of your time in reading and understand the rambling and rants of this confused, perplexed and a little lost 18 year old.

Thank you all so much.

Love Always,
Aakansha. 🙂

Nominated for: Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

Okay, so blogging couldn’t get any more awesome for me! Nominated for yet another award “Booyeah!” 😀 So firstly, thank you so much Alicia for nominating me, I’m heartily grateful. Do check out her blog as well, she’s an amazing photographer. 🙂

http://motleyprints.wordpress.com/

Honestly, it’s little things and encouragements like these that keep us bloggers motivated and going. I always feel giddy whenever I get some recognition for my work, and this time is no different. So, ‘Yaayy Me!’

 

sisterhoodworldbloggers

 

The Guidelines:

Thank and link the person who nominated you. Add the award to your post and site. Answer 10 questions provided to by the person nominating you. Provide 10 questions of your own to be answered by those you nominate. Nominate your bloggers for the award. (AND comment on their blogs to inform them.)

10 Questions I’m required to answer-:

1.)What is your favorite color and why?

Well, I have to say Black. I know you might think of it as ominous or dark or well .. ghastly. But c’mon, black is like the king of colors. Be it a sumptuous Gala dinner or a funeral-it goes well with all the occasions plus, it suits me a lot.

2.) What is your happiest childhood memory?

I have to say every moment spent with my best friend is a happy memory. 🙂 (We are BFF’s since childhood)

3.)If you could travel anywhere where would it be and why?

You know, I don’t want to limit myself to one place. I want to travel the whole wold, from the packed streets of New York to the serene sidewalk of Paris. Every nook and corner.

4.)What hobbies do you enjoy?

*Hands Up* I confess I’m a pretty versatile person when it comes to hobby. Which means that I LOVE SINGING AND MUSIC-I would practically die without my playlist and also love art and craft. I enjoy watching football and also READING. I would quietly spend my whole life in a library.

5.)What is your least favorite food?

Hmm. *LEAST* favorite food, well, I hate broccoli, Ridged gourd and Bitter Gourd. *Tries not to throw up*

6.)If you were given $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

Pack my bags, take my best friend and go on a vacation. Somewhere remote and peaceful.

7.)Which flower do you feel best describes you?

Orchids. They are colorful and lively.

8.)Puppies or kittens?

Puppies any day!

9.)Which season is your favorite and why?

WINTER! WINTER! WINTER! Why? Well, I published an entire post about this! There’s something eerily magical and tempting about the smoothness of the snow and the soft chilly winds. *Drools*

10.)If you could swap lives with a celebrity, who would it be and why?

Danneel Harris Ackles. WHY? Because she’s the wife of the hottest man on Earth-Jensen Ackles.

 

10 QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES:

1) What is the one thing that you would or would not want to change about yourself.

2)Confess something daring about yourself.

3)What superpower would you want to have?

4)If you ever got the chance to meet me, would you?

5)Who inspires you the most?

6)What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?

7)Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

8)Mountains or Plains?

9)What is that one particular thing you’re scared of the most? (Be Honest)

10)What do you think about my blog and why do you follow it?

Will be looking forward to your answers! 🙂

 

And now with great pleasure I nominate:

Debi Rotmil of http://orderofthegoodwrite.wordpress.com/ 🙂

Lena Bitare of http://lenanoid.wordpress.com/ 🙂

and,

booksiedasie of http://booksiedaisie.wordpress.com/

Have Fun! 😀