What I learnt Inside a Big Glass Building- II

I do not wish to divulge much except that I spend 8 hours a day inside a building made of glass.

Funny, its glass bosom doesn’t make it fragile, but rather steely, like a cage.

People inside glass buildings are devoid of warmth. They also happen to be slightly twisted (for lack of a better word). They say stuff they don’t actually mean, and keep silent when you wish they’d speak.

Your frequent attempts at making friends will be rebuffed with an impassive grin. This is a place camaraderie is rejected with a smile so sly you’d end up thinking there’s something wrong with you. This is where you need to remind yourself otherwise, or the building will swallow you whole.

I try my best to be as kind as I possibly can. To be myself so as to give some other frail heart the courage to be itself too, but so far it has all been in vain. The nicer you are, the more they feed off of you.

This is also a place they ask you your position in life, to gauge the level of nice they need to portray.

I have deftly observed every human in my vicinity here. To some I have even given a score. But the score is irrespective of how little dependance can be placed on the appearance of either character or merit. Every day strengthens my resolve to never end up like them.

I have also lost my appetite or my distinct fondness of food. Most of the time I’m swallowing to sustain my organs.

The commute back home is my only pocket of contemplation. And my heart is so heavy with the burden of an entire, joyless day that, after lying about how great my day was to those who ask, I find myself crawling under a blanket and never wishing to see the light again.

Thank heavens for all the novels I’ve read, they assuage my grief with the naive hope that things will get better, like they did for our heroes stuck in pages. I will also try my best to empathise more, everybody has a story, the people in my vicinity have a story too; who am I to impart judgement?

Hoping for a better tomorrow (& happy that the person reading this is here for me),

 

Love always,

Your blogger.

 

Update: January 18th- I lost an earring inside this glass castle. Which somehow, makes everything worse.

Note: If you wish to read the first part go here.

What I learnt Inside a Big Glass Building (and a Happy New Year)!

Hello, 

Following bullet points are open to individual perspectives.

  1. This building is a machine. Its fuel is its people. It feeds on their soul.
  2. The only sounds are of beeping automatic locks of opaque glass doors, clicking of heels on an immaculately polished floor and remnants of quick phone calls made by humans who always seem to be in a hurry.
  3. Literally nobody cares. Breaks my heart.
  4. When people smile, they smile out of obligation, not choice.
  5. No love. It is like love arrived at this building’s door and turned away from all the malice.
  6. They’re nice to you because:
                  -they need you to get some work done.
                  -they are professionally obligated.
  7. No empathy. No one even tries to foster any. People make zero efforts to reach out. Zero.
  8. If someone senses you’re distressed, they’ll freeze and become unreachable. 
  9. You have to get used to eating meals alone. I’m sure everyone hates it the same, yet no one barely makes an effort to fix it. 
  10. Cafeterias are some of the scariest places in the world. 
  11. The moment it feels like they’re being too nice to you- be wary, there is some ulterior motive. 
  12. Nothing about the question, ‘How are you?’ is ever, even vaguely concerned with your well being but is asked solely to skip to the real purpose behind seeking you.
  13. You never make friends inside glass buildings. You only get to know a few strangers. 
  14. There is an abysmal lack of human warmth inside this glass castle. Poker faces, frowns, heads bent deep in cell phones or glued to a big screen pepper the hallway 24/7. 
  15. Everyday, I look around and I’m appalled by how badly we, as human beings- the one animal capable of nursing so much joy and affection- have fucked up. We really truly did. Maybe my quarrel really is with the state of the world- and not the glass building. If that is the case, I have a long battle to fight. 

 I miss greeting a face which is happy to see me. 


We have been together for so many years, thank you for being my constant companions.  I hope my blog helped you in some way, or made your heart slightly warmer, or gave you hope where you couldn’t find one.

Let us promise to do our parts in healing through art, through love and by being ourselves. Happy New Year guys. Wish you the best year of your life so far.

Thank you for everything, truly. See you on the other side. 

 

Love always,

Your Blogger. 

Bird in a long Winter (I)

Good morning,

Winter has finally settled in my part of the world (if I may be so bold as to claim it). Today my city felt like one of those dewy, misty mornings of London I’ve only read about in books.

A dense, quiet fog wafts through the air and the world below my balcony seems to be in a standstill.

I can’t tell you the details of the world below because my eyes are forever fixated towards the sky. 

The sky from my balcony appears to be the lightest shade of blue. Like today the sky is too tired to gleam. Too exhausted to shine. And the sun, no sign of it. 

Before my mind plays its tricks and I’m reminded of the enormity of this world I step inside and try to warm my freezing feet; a quandary I face every December.

Failing to do so, I take a deep breath and open my laptop, typing solemnly and ready to tame another, jaded day. 

 

 

Love always,
Your blogger. 

Talk is Cheap

Every evening at six, I sit amidst a sea of people in a cafe farther down North. The air around me crackles with words I don’t follow. I can’t distinguish voices, so it sounds like a perpetual buzzing of the air. Mouths move, words are uttered but their meaning gets lost in a haze midway.

I take tiny, measured sips of my coffee, its warmth pulsating in my veins; it is my excuse for silence. The cubicle in which I sit is jammed with practiced smiles- not too much; not too little -and conspicuous gulps. The girl with a ruffled bow has her camera out already.

Someone utters something witty and our close knit huddle erupts in laughter. I don’t. My mind is befogged and I’m trying to focus on the label stuck to the bottle of hot sauce.
‘Manufactured in Hogsmeade.’ Peculiar.

I hook a finger in the collar of my turtleneck and pull, craning my neck slightly.
“Geez,” I glance at the sweater less arms around me, “doesn’t anybody else feel the brunt of December?”

Someone nudges me on the side. I turn and behold a perfect set of eyebrows creased in confusion. Inquiringly, she jerks her head up a little (sensing that my mind was distracted) and attempts to pull me back into the hubbub of the group.

I smile reassuringly and pretend to listen but the buzzing continues. She grins and rejoins the conversation, triumphing at the outcome.
What are they talking about?

I get stuck on a boy opposite me. I wonder if anyone noticed the blotches of ink on his left hand. His eyes are puffy and shoulders are slouching. He looks exhausted and appears skinnier than the last I saw him. But he beams at everyone and clutches his mug tightly, holding on to the warmth he’s paying for.

I look away and peer through the frosted window I chose to sit next to. The street outside is a greyish blur.
“From the other side of this translucent glass,” I muse, “we must be a blur too. Five silhouettes.”

Glancing above I follow a thin wire of dazzling yellow lights. They hang on rusted nails, hammered several Christmases ago.

I’m about to pursue the trail of lights when something happens. A voice hits me and the world zooms into sharp focus. I’m snapped back to clarity and the crisp sound of slurps and munches reaches me. The conversation is suddenly discernible.

“Did anybody notice the sky this evening? It was a distinct, rain-washed midnight blue and I could already see hazy outlines of stars appearing on the horizon when I walked here.” The scruffy boy opposite me sighs and looks around the table, hoping someone would mirror his spirit.

I smile at him feverishly.

See now the table has my attention.

About Empathy

lighthouse-2028507_960_720

Let me ask you a question.

How many times have you been on the receiving end of someone ‘venting out’ stuff on you?

Have you ever been elevated to this role model of impossible empathy that you can no more find people understanding that maybe, at times, you need a friend like that too?

I once read somewhere that you cannot serve with an empty heart. You need to be emotionally balanced enough to soak in the imbalances of others. And frankly, helping people lighten their load, if only by being a patient listener, is what humans, as a community is all about.

That’s how we survive; helping each other, promoting each other’s growth, celebrating the victories, mourning the loses.

But the material point is, I’ve only ever found so many people willing enough to empathize these days. Sympathy? Yes, that is present in abundance. But empathy? The art of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and trying to actually feel their misery?

That is what lacks.

In taxing times, you don’t need people nodding at you and telling you the ‘wicked ways of the world,’ or that somewhere in extreme parts of the Earth people are starving; that doesn’t quite put their tumult to rest now does it?

We need more people bold enough to say, ‘I’m here for you if you need me,’ and brave enough to mean it. We need more people to re-establish other people’s faith in this morally declining world.

It’s hard being a vessel all the time. Vessel open to all forms of lamentations, grief, agitation and pain and still manage to uphold the countenance of a calm face, comforting eyes and an understanding touch.

But hey, I’m here to tell you it is okay.

I’ve been on receiving end of the laments of a lot of different people. I’ve been the receiving end of the adults in my family.

I’ve tried my best empathizing with people 30 years ahead of me. I’ve heard my much younger friends and tried my best to console.

I’ve listened to strangers online. I’ve even maintained a tolerable disposition in front of people I generally dislike.

But.

I’ve also seen people get gradually distracted and lose sense of the conversation when I’m at the pouring end. I’ve also seen people fidgeting with their cell phone while I eventually, with a few hesitant, muffled words succumb to silence. I’ve seen people lose interest when the conversation is no more revolving around ‘them.’

I’ve also noticed general apathy in the eyes of the receiver.

I’ve seen it and I’ve been quiet. Maybe that’s just how the world works. However, what I observed during this course was, people with the lack of a listening heart, often find solace within themselves. They crumble and crawl inside and eventually find rest within the comforting box of their own warmth.

Eventually, these people stop voicing out and get used, or rather comfortable, finding their peace within themselves. Or to take an extra daring step, maybe in a few pages of literature?


Can you guess why I chose a picture of a lighthouse with this post? Let me know in the comments. 

To the Woods

I hadn’t expected it to be this cold or I would’ve brought the sweatshirt mama bought me last Christmas. For now, I hope my flannels will keep me warm. It is funny how in your last moments, you’re supposed to think about the ones you love, or all of those rare moments when life seemed extraordinary. You’re supposed to be having flashbacks of your favorite birthday parties, or the day you got your first kiss or the day you went to your very first carnival.

I smile, trying desperately hard to light a fire in this dark. I rub two stones together, little sparks lighting up with every strike, ultimately giving birth to a young, warm fire. My eyes reflect the yellow glow they receive and somehow, I don’t feel cold anymore. Rubbing my hands, I take a glimpse of the valley far below. Dark, quiet; like the trees were asleep, unburdening themselves.

Dry leaves crunch and break beneath my worn out shoe. They’re going to be one year old tomorrow. He gave me these when I turned 21. A quiet wind blew through the woods, fanning my young flames. The trees sighed and looked down upon my little figure. A young guy huddled by a tiny fire, smiling on the adventure that lay ahead.

I wonder if I’ll be missed. The son who had it all, but somehow didn’t? The obliging one who went astray? The exchange of a present on his 21st birthday, that changed everything. In one year, I was no more their obliging son. I was, according to them, ‘confused.’

What would’ve happened if they had said yes and we hadn’t run away? Would we be happier? Would our Sunday dinners include him too? Would we be free? Would we be allowed to stand on the altar? The smile on my face fades away, as I watch the dying embers of my fire. What will they think when I’m gone?

Slowly I stand up and wade my way to the forest’s end where lay the bare ground. The part where I could directly face the valley down below; almost hearing the sound of all the lives that slept in it. Do those birds ever have to run away?

I lie down and gaze at the star studded night and catch a glimpse of a falling star. I hear footsteps approaching and somehow my smile comes back.
‘I thought you said you needed dry wood for our fire,’ he says as he lies down next to me.
Holding hands we gaze at the night, thinking of what would happen next.

Somewhere in the distance, a star twinkled a little more brightly.

Post Life

Perhaps the most exacting part of growing up is realizing that you are now expected to perform. And that there is no scope left for chances. That there are certain results of a certain magnitude that people want to see you deliver. And you look around and you don’t see protection or second chances, but you see a battle. And even the strongest people I’ve met, have agreed to have felt that fear. Fear of under-achieving, fear of failure, fear of letting down and fear of not being good enough.

It is even worse when your heart has chosen to make a home in a place where the only way to reach it, is to take a chance. And you’re not fortunate enough to take that chance. What we are not told when we take our very first step into the world, is that we only need to grow while learning through this life. And experience its various nuances, replenish your soul with experiences-both good and bad and keeping riches and fortunes as a secondary goal.

Not learn to earn, but learn to understand the right way to live. Don’t hurt yourself mentally in the ache of not being the first horse in the race. It is okay. The onerous competition around us and the fear of failure is like a dark cloud; quiet and threatening.

What we need to propagate, is to make yourself, your life, your growth and your happiness of prime importance. Make sure to not be effected by what others are doing, but to slowly and steadily find your calling. And even if you don’t-IT IS OKAY. That’s what we need to say more- IT IS OKAY.

So the next time you feel fear creeping up your backbone, take a deep breath and tell yourself, ‘You’ve got this. IT IS OKAY.’ 


I’m also very happy to announce that we officially have a Facebook Page. I, in collaboration with a bunch of my supremely talented friends launched our page, The Theories of Everything where we would post occasional words, thoughts and write ups that we pen down.
We’ve also collaborated with our brilliant designer Zer0ality who has taken up the duty to design our posts.

Apart from this, we’ve all chosen to keep our posts anonymous for we wish to let our words speak for ourselves. I know you’ve all done more than enough for me here on WordPress but I really wish from my heart is that whoever is on Facebook, please promote our page, like and/or share according to your wishes for I’d be eternally grateful to you all.

I assure you, the write ups will be beautiful and you would not regret any of it. But even if you don’t I will only add, IT IS OKAY.

Love always,
Your blogger.

Chasing Life

Over the past couple of months a new form of concern has managed to make a home in my mind. I’m not allowing it to worry me, but since I observe various forms of it every single day it has caused me to brood for a considerable amount of time.

But what really sparked this natter and the anxious tapping of my keyboard was a recent post I read by one of my most beloved inspirations, Elizabeth Gilbert. I am short of the right words to describe how much I admire this woman and what she is doing for the society. I might go on a rant about my admiration for her, but let us preserve that for another post.

Everywhere I look around these days, I see people choking. Everyone toiling in the sun, anxious and worried about what is to come. Some are anxious about the future, some are stuck in stagnancy. The younger ones are only starting to get accustomed to societal pressure, the youth are worried about building for themselves a life that society approves, and the adults are worried about what is in store for their kids’.

I see people with tragic levels of anxiety and nervousness for life. Almost nobody these days has the courage to live for themselves. At this point I must state that I certainly do not exclude myself from the list.

In one post, Elizabeth (Liz) vividly recalled a story about her cousin. She reflected how her cousin left her secure and comfortable job and decided to start afresh in a new country. A country as beautiful and promising as New Zealand. She told how her cousin had reached that point of stagnancy in her life, where no matter what she did, dissatisfaction prevailed most of the time. So she decided to begin again. After reaching one saturation point, she garnered all her strength and moved away where everything worked out for her. Today, Elizabeth says, her cousin looks back and thinks that the only thing she needed to make herself incandescently happy was courage.

Courage to let go of everything that was pulling her down. This is what I see everyday. All the people I meet; everyone is being pulled down. Everyone is trying to find answers. Everyone is busy trying to please the world and present to it a facade of prosperity, wealth and happiness. It is shocking and it is grieving to see people having to go through so much just to fulfil their obligations to the world.
I see people fed up of their jobs, fed up of the people around them, fed up of their course of study, fed up of stress. Yet almost nobody has the courage to break the fetters. They spend their entire life in pursuit of happiness yet they never find it.

People continue chasing in the entire race not realizing to stop and breathe for a while, for the fear of being left behind is daunting, isn’t it? I fear we all make the same mistake. Choose survival over living. The fear grips us in its fists and we do everything to survive. Ignoring our passion and our inner calling and gearing up for the race.

But for some (like Elizabeth’s cousin) this becomes unbearable at one point. Some do manage to break the shackles, some do manage to tread the untread path. Some do manage to take the risk, give themselves a chance and just for a while, start living for themselves.
I ardently believe that it is never too late to start afresh. I do not encourage people to abandon their filial or any other responsibilities, but what I do urge and request from this post is, to please stop being your worst critic and start approving of the things you do.

Love yourself to the point that you would be able to garner the courage you need to let go. The key is satisfaction and it will unlock the door to happiness.
Make a plan in such a way that you seek and find happiness along with fulfilling your duties. Don’t ever feel that time has run out. As Elizabeth once stated, ‘If you’re not dead yet, you’re not done yet.

joie-de-vivre.

Love always,
Your blogger.

Merry December

Alright I’m sure all my fellow bloggers are pretty busy and occupied these days. Basking in the spirit of festive cheer and the placidity of this fine winter season. ‘Tis the holiday season, indeed! I just thought I’m obliged to write a closing post for this year.  For we stand on the dusk of yet another fantastic, high-spirited, exhilarating year and boy has it taught us some precious lessons.

Okay, so five days when we’d have officially hit ’16.

Wow. I’ll just let that sink in.

I love how cheery the air around you gets this time of the year. Even though I do not celebrate Christmas physically, but in my heart I send a prayer to actually do celebrate it someday. And of course the mighty internet gives me detailed insight of how the world out there is celebrating it. So that keeps me going.

I’d like to babble minutely about how this year has turned out for me but seriously? No.

In a nutshell,
2015 gave me my fair share of highs and lows, fortunately all well balanced. I met a couple of new AMAZING people who love me and what I write and have been ever supportive of me throughout. And even though I got totally lost in between, they had my back. Showing me the right way (and telling me that I wasn’t insane.) Thank you God for this.

I developed more hopeless fictional crushes by reading more and more books thus eliminating any single chances of I ever finding a real man. (OHMYGOD I TOTALLY FORGOT TO WRITE ABOUT MR. DARCY?! WHAT EVEN?) Next post will be about him then.

I finally cooked an entire full-fledged Indian meal for my dad without having to call the fire department. (Well mom was out of town so guess who had to be the woman of the house?)

At last got the Harry Potter Deathly Hallows locket and the entire Lord of the Rings book-set I had been coveting (both gifted by two amazing people.)

Also you absolutely wonderful and amazing WordPress angels who manage to read my gibberish and give me so much love managed to make ‘Brooding in the Tepid Dusk’ officially hit 10,ooo blog hits. This Is Amazing. How will I ever thank you people?

All these things have amalgamated to form one huge, grateful and blessed year.

I’d also like to mention in brief on how just like every year, I’ll once again be stepping into a new year as a modified person. New thoughts installed. Memory refreshed. Superfluous feelings exterminated. Spirits rejuvenated and the previously installed files re-arranged. I hope I come off as a better person than I was this year.

So that’s it for me.

I hope you make the best of ‘the most wonderful time of the year.’
I hope your food is warm and your drinks are sublime. I hope your year ends with the happiest of spirits and that you may carry that happiness with you into the next year.
I hope you look back and be truly gratified with what you have.
And if by some ill-fate you cannot, I pray happiness and love finds you. Thank you.

Merry Christmas and very Happy New Year guys.

I’ll see you all in 2016. 🙂

 

Open your Heart

Emotions are hilarious. They have a knack for releasing a torrent of superfluous thoughts in our minds. They coax us into performing tasks we wouldn’t do in normal circumstances. Stuff which in the most crude form of normality, we’d never blurt from our mouths. Slowly shoveling out all the dirt we prefer buried. Each stroke releasing another intense wave of subdued words.

When inebriated with emotions, we’re barely ourselves. We lose the sense of right and wrong. They consume us; slowly empowering our rationality. They become the catalyst to our inner feelings. Our world starts to revolve around our object of attention. Like they are the only streak of light breaking through our humble darkness.

They are tricky, emotions. They play with us. We’re the puppets; they the puppeteer. We behave like children, overwhelmed by happiness and then consumed by sadness. We become addicts, aware of the harm being imposed upon us, yet somehow wallowing in the bittersweet emotion. Saying something we really wanted to, and then immediately experiencing a pang of regret.

We want them to go away, yet we want them to stay, so bad.
All the while we’re trying to balance between logic and emotional surrender, while still relishing the beautiful pain.

Why am I writing this, you wonder.
I just wrote about something that makes you human. This is just another aspect and you might pity yourself for feeling a little too much in this hopelessly void world, but I need you to know that making yourself vulnerable to the atrocities of the world, is in itself an act of valour.

Now if that doesn’t make you proud to be emotional and opening your heart to the world, I don’t know what else can.

Love and be loved.

-Your blogger.

Words Not Said Often

There is plenty of stuff we keep in our minds as we stroll through life everyday.  These subdued emotions have the power to untangle a lot of issues made complicated by our own selves, by not saying what we truly want to.

Women are usually grilled for this phenomena. To never tell what they honestly mean or want and somehow expect the other person to understand the labyrinth in their mind.

But I think this can be applied a little more widely. In some or the other way, aren’t we all the same at times? Feeling something we are too hesitant to voice out and  wanting the other person to just know. Or saying something we really want to but allowing some other contrary emotion like pride or hesitation getting in the way, failing us to speak what we wished to.

I’m sure everyone has gone through it.

The funny part is, even after realizing that confessing it to the person right there would save both of them a whole lot of drama, we still choose to play the silent game. I don’t know, maybe we enjoy it?

We’ve had this conversation in our mind where we’re about to blurt everything out but then it usually ends with this, “You know what? Leave it. It doesn’t matter.”

News flash: IT DOES.

You probably think that that girl already got a lot of compliments on her sweater so you resist adding more to the list.

Word Of Advice: YOU SHOULD.

Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone else lauded her. You did and that made her happy.

You want that someone to text you?

Why play the ‘I’ll ignore you unless you text first’ game? Go ahead, say ‘Hi!’ It’ll save a lot of time wouldn’t it?

As it is people are more surprised by kindness than malice. Plus, if it makes someone’s day, why keep it inside? Tell her, her hair looks wonderful today. Tell him he makes surprisingly great coffee! Tell them their voice is brilliant and together they sound sublime.

Try it out, who knows, someday someone might pop a compliment for you too!

Have a great weekend! 🙂

The Art of Unraveling (Teachings from Me #6)

With the growing importance of the glittery facade of social media, it’s hard to know what’s hidden underneath people. Beneath the Facebook check-ins and instagram filters. We have long forgotten the art of slowly unraveling someone. Peeling off each layer only to find another happy surprise. Now we’re more inclined towards rummaging through  Facebook posts and ‘getting to know the person.’ We get to know about the other person’s pretentious virtual life, but do we ever try to unearth how that person loves his coffee? Or the story behind the mystery bracelet she wears all the time?

A long time back I read about how relationships these days have too much involvement. You see, when you already learn too much about the other one just by scanning every post on their account, no sense of mystery remains. There is no thrill. No surprises. No sense of tingling when you realise you both love the same book! You already are aware of mostly everything. Plus, you are ALWAYS connected which sometimes may result in things going a lot more quickly, against their natural order.

These days, people prefer speaking more and listening less and think of it as a healthy interaction whereas it’s the exact opposite. If you just listen carefully about the things someone talks about and pay attention to the details, you’re already diving deep in their heart, a place not many people care to look.

Try asking questions that open them up. Questions that are seldom asked in casual conversations. If you don’t intend to be just anybody in their life, then don’t ask questions that just anybody might ask.

Try to hit the higher note.

Don’t remain in the shallow waters. Like I said, dive deep. Deep inside their heart and view the parts of them not many get to see. Compliment them. Celebrate them. Nurture them. This is no ordinary place my friend, it’s the center of their soul, make it your safe haven. Make it your treasure trove. Then, only then you’ll get to know who they are as a human, not just a mere artificial persona.

A few things you can ask to understand someone better:

1) Ask them about their favorite song. Most of the time, you’ll get to know a lot about their emotions.
2) Ask them how do they feel about their future. Are they scared? Excited?

3) Talk about their passion. Or if they love art. What do they see in art?

4) What’s their favorite place to travel and why?

5) With whom would they most like to travel with? 

These kind of questions (I believe) help hit that point in someone. We sometimes presume that these questions are too personal or sensitive to ask and the other person might not want to answer them or they might be ‘too forward’ but the truth is, people never get to listen to these answers because they never ask them.

They’re too engrossed with whether or not they appear pretty or that they don’t get ‘too awkward’ or do something ’embarrassing.’

The point is to ask these questions! Would you feel comfortable in talking about all this stuff? If yes then you should seek someone who’s equally dedicated to talk about it too. And if they’re too cold, I guess that’s a warning signal?

It’s important to establish a strong mental connection. It would not only help your relation grow, but would also help you personally.

Show it like you mean it!

A couple of weeks back, I happened to attend this seminar on Body Language and its affects on our surroundings. It was undoubtedly pretty informative, like that lady said, non verbal communication is far more important than verbal.
She claimed, that sometimes what you speak doesn’t have any potential impact on people if they don’t get the right aura from you.
Your posture, gestures, eyes contact etc. etc.

Although, during her session I was also having a separate conference in my own mind on a round table with my various thoughts sitting across, facing each other, in grave seriousness and they were all initially skeptical of her claims.

Which means, I think sometimes, if you can master the art of using the right words, you do not need to rely on actions. If what you only need is to get your job done because of course if you groan and yell ‘I love you’ with froth bubbling in your mouth and bloodshot eyes, the listener would probably call the police rather than loving you back.

Anyway, apart from this, she talked about hugs. Yep. The most awkward gesture ever invented in the entire human history. I’m telling my personal opinion, I find hugs massively awkward and I’m almost terrified of them. I don’t even know why. It’s more like an innate thing. I mean of course if someone offers me a hug I graciously accept it and give it back. But I always thought they were unnecessary, like do you really need to rub your body with someone else’s body to feel fulfilled?

My friends grow really resentful when I justify myself. But they also kinda feel sorry for me, especially the ones with a boyfriend. They say it’s one of the most ‘re-assuring’ feelings. And then I start feeling sorry for myself too.

And the ‘God of Questions’ rises again with a notepad and asks,
“What if it really is a coveted comfort and somehow because you’re so cold, you’re deprived of it?”

“Go away ..stupid God of Questions.” I shrug.

It’s true. I have never experienced that ‘warm, fuzzy, protective, secure and loving feeling’ people claim they get when they hug. Maybe because I haven’t yet stood at the airport with tears sliding down my cheeks to bid farewell to my boyfriend who’s going abroad for studies/job and even though our destiny is tied together I still miss every inch of him and then everything goes into slow motion as we give ‘THE HUG.’
*sigh*

BUT, coming back to the point, she (the seminar lady) gave some fine points to prove the powers of a hug. (She must really love to hug.)

First, she said,
“Have you ever noticed how a baby, when he’s restless and anxious after getting into his mother or father’s arms, eventually stops crying? How he suddenly feels protected? Warm? At ease? Comforted?”
(Seriously, a baby knows better than me.)

Second, she says that sometimes when we see someone sitting cross armed, it signifies:
1) They’re either not open to any kind of conversation or arguments.
2) They’re insecure. Depending on the situation. That’s why that crossing of hands is a sort of hug for themselves, to feel protected. They don’t realise this, of course.

Now this rung a bell in me. Very interesting thought. I still wondered how completely aghast she would be if I told her my opinions about hugs. I can imagine her pinning me under her arms and yelling,
“Feel it! Feel it you foolish girl! Feel the love!”

Even though I still haven’t been completely able to be comfortable around this idea, I’ll try and dig a little more into this. See if it really works. See if I’m mentally handicapped to understand such high levels of emotion. Or I’m just not designed that way.

Meanwhile, has anyone had that ‘another world’ experience while hugging here? Let me know!

Sweater Weather

Have you ever wondered how weather affects your mood? Like when the sun is glaring and heat strokes sweep the city, and you have to be out for some unavoidable errand, you are bound to feel sulky, don’t you? Nobody likes to get barbecued alive.

Then there’s the festive winters. Reminding us to sometimes stop and lay back, spend time with family. Perhaps that’s why the snow blocks the road? To force people to stay inside?
“Okay, you frenzied humans, it’s time you paused your work and stayed back!  Yes you Mr. Busy -Corporate-Man-with-a-Starbucks! GET BACK. No work today!” says the snow.

As we enter the doorway to Autumn, when the trees shed their leaves to remind us that it’s okay to start afresh every year. To let go of anything no longer significant in our life and give ourselves a spell of wintery break, and then welcome fresh greenery again, we find ourselves welcoming a new spell of season, Autumn.

I sat alone under a tree today and felt the weather change. The sun no longer felt corrosive, it was comforting. A gush of wind blew across me, causing the tree above to wave so frantically like it was being tickled. I felt the wind give me a warm embrace, reminding me of Autumn’s arrival.
And after what feels like a lifetime, I felt at peace, though momentarily.

Those who’ve been reading this blog for a while, might already be aware of this blogger’s irrevocable love for the Winter season. To the new ones, well now you do. Or if you’re more curious, go here.

Sometimes, as I stroll through the field in the morning, the slight chill in the air reminds me that winter is just around the corner. Like someone poking me to remember and prepare for its magnificent arrival. I have always eagerly waited for winters and sometimes I do feel that maybe, it waits for me too. So in the meantime, it gives me small hints in the form of these occasional chills, like the smell of a delicious soup taking its good time to brew, but reminding me that it’ll soon be on my table.

I can’t say what affect does the weather have on you. Some people might take it like an ordinary affair. “Oh the Earth just revolves, so that’s not really a big deal!”

But I think, that the seasons are a wonderfully apt example of how changes can also be beautiful and how each one of them carries with itself a blessing, though initially hidden as an adversity.

Happy Autumn to each one of you.
And as for your little blogger, she can’t wait for December.

SOCIAL EXPERIMENT

My curiosity always gets the better of me. Somehow, even in unusually intricate situations, I find it very hard to suppress it. And human mind intrigues me the most. Irrespective of how tortuous, mind-boggling, complicated, nerve-wracking piece of a labyrinth it may become, human mind is my most favorite puzzle. And often I tend to ask people specific questions to unravel certain details about them.

And every time I do it, I’m always surprised in the most wonderful way! Every human has a kaleidoscope of emotions and some of them are kept bottled up. Not because they are secret or dark, but simply because no one really asks about them.

I decided to change that today. I asked every teenager in my contact list a question and gave them 5-10 minutes to answer. I asked them not to dwell over it too much, but jot down whatever came to their mind first. Be as impulsive as they could be.

The question was,
‘If you could convey one message to your future husband/wife, what would that be?’ 

All the answers were amazing, but some of them completely blew my mind! And honestly speaking, the boys gave more disbelievingly emotional replies than girls. What is happening? I thought girls were the sappy ones? 😛

Here’s an overview of all the answers I received. Enjoy.

GIRLS: 

1.) “Don’t be a normal person when it comes to temperament. ”

2.) “Please be exactly the way I’ve imagined you to be.” 😛

3.) “I’ll commit myself to you and pray for you always. The love between us will bring us together forever with many beautiful and precious moments.”

4.)”Just be honest with me, no matter WHAT you do when I’m not there.”

5.) “YOU BETTER BE SWOLE.”  (This girl is a fitness enthusiast! XD) 

6.) “If you really want to have a happy married life, you better live up to my expectations. 😛  No, but seriously, come with no pre-conceived notions about me, be my best friend and have a strong opinion on things.”

7.) “Respect is the most important. Let’s respect each other?”

8.) “Be a gentleman and I’ll teach you good things in bed.”

9.)” Don’t marry me if you value your life. SAVE YOURSELF. RUN!” 😛

10.) “I’m a pain in the ass. I’m a mess. I get upset for no reason and I’ll drive you crazy.  But I promise I’m worth it and I’m never giving up on you.”


BOYS: (Brace Yourselves)

1.) “I knew from the start that you were the one.” (Aww.)

2.) “I am very moody and my feet smell real bad.”

3.) “I know I couldn’t find a girl like you. You define beauty and simplicity. You’ve made me the luckiest person. I promise to love you the way I have. You are my strength and my love.” (Grabs tissue.)

4.)’I love you.’ (This dude won the ‘Most Straightforward Boyfriend’ Award) 😛 

5.) “If you can keep up with my shit, then as a husband, I’ll be as loving and caring as it gets.” (OH MY GAAAWWD.)

6.) “Hey partner, congratulations, you’re 18.
ON THE LIST OF 20 PEOPLE PEOPLE I’M GOING TO KILL. ”

7.) “Take your time to come. I’m not in a hurry. Let me live my life right now. :P” (Best response. XD)

8.) “You’re probably sending some cute, cuddly texts to some other guy and I’m helplessly getting jealous here.”

9.) “Do you even exist?”

10.) “Be safe and keep a track of your health. ”

All these answers came from my 19-21 year old friends. Some of the wordpress bloggers who have been in personal touch with me also have their answers here.

My personal summation of this survey would be that the boys sent more emotional and thoughtful messages to their future partner than the girls. It was a response I did not expect, yet it’s safe to say, this is a happy surprise. Based on the response I get from this survey, I’ll do more of its kind to understand the tangled mind of the current day teenagers.

Here is a little background of our participants:

GIRLS- 1 is an English Major.
2,5,6,8, and 9 are majoring in Commerce.
4 and 7 are Engineers.
3 is an aspiring Lawyer.

BOYS- 1,2, and 7 are majoring in Commerce.
3 is pursuing The Navy.
4 and 5 are aspiring Engineers.
6,8,9 and 10 are future Lawyers.

For what it’s worth, I really got to know my friends better through this survey. I can also use this information against them to embarrass them in future. That’s right, I make the rules.

Let’s do this with you.
Tell me in the comments below, what message would you give your future partner right now?

I Drive

The road is long and I cannot see the end, yet my foot on the accelerator is stiff as I drive through the unknown.

A mountain range is following me through my journey as I glance at it frequently while I drive. I may feel bored of its perpetual rocky view, yet it refuses to leave my side; it stands there with all its might.  Like it’s somehow tied to my fate.
Just like a soul mate.

I drive and I see a lamp. Covered in a layer of nightly frost. A warm abode for the buzzing moths. It glows in the dark and shows me the way. The right, safe and honest way. I can see the direction it’s steering me in and I know I’ll be safe. For this lamp has brought several lost, to the right, successful place.
Just like a teacher.

I drive further and my feet ache. I am thirsty and I start to faint. I slam the break near a flowing stream, getting thinner and thinner as I further my journey. I lie down on its moist, grassy bed. I drink the crystal water and continue the path I tread.
The stream was a gushing river when I was young. Now it’s thin and old. But it still promises me solace and asks me to move even when I’ve lost my hold.
Just like a parent.

I resume my drive and the road ahead is no more straight. It bends and breaks and jerks. There are tortuous loops and bumpy potholes. There is a storm and thunder and lightning crashes on my way. The wind is strong and it tries to steer me away. I shudder and cry and start to lose my faith.  But my car doesn’t stop and I pass through unhurt, unbent, unbroken.
I pass through all the vicissitudes of life.

There comes a forest. Lush and green. Long deciduous trees wave at me through the dark. I pass by them anyway, and glance at them through my rear view, they are still waving at me. I prefer not to stop, they are ones I already left behind.
Just like the relations that never work out.

I once again begin to lose my way, and the path becomes darker. There is no light and I’m lost and scared. Suddenly a voice whispers from above and I look up to a scintillating view of a thousand stars. The night sky now burns with a silver glow, and now I realise I’m not alone. For these stars may not be visible throughout the path, but I know they’d always be there. Bright and cheering, guiding me midway.
Just like friends.

The journey continues and the stream is no more present, but the  moist earth it left behind reminds me of its existence. I come across a diversion, where the path breaks into two. I stand there still, wondering, fearing which one to leave and which one to choose. The mountain range is enveloped in fog, and the stream is no more there. The stars are hidden among the clouds and the forest wouldn’t care.
I am alone and my mind wonders. I close my eyes and breath in the air and ask the person inside me. I ask my little beating heart to resolve the query for me.
The air soothes my lungs and my body becomes light. A little voice inside me tells to follow the path to the right.
When nothing worked I closed my eyes and allowed the air to wake me up from inside.
Just like our conscience.

I turn right and I know not where I’ll go. Where the path would bend and where it would flow.
But I know this I’d drive unbowed and unbent, my faith strong and unshaken, the river will flow and the stars will shine, while I tread this road that is my life.

Teachings from Me #5 (Spread Love)

Recently, I read this amazing thing on the internet and it really hovered on my mind for quite a good deal of time. After some serious mulling over and considering all of its pros and cons, I muttered to myself, “Alright, let’s do this.”

And so I did.

In brief, what that little caption said was, “Life was too short to be inexpressive and hesitant about your emotions. The only person you’re causing harm to by keeping all of those sappiness bottled up is yourself. So always make sure that when you love someone, you let them know. You might get hit by a bus tomorrow and any second might be your last. Even worse, you might take those last breaths regretting about why you couldn’t say what you felt.

So go and confess and express and sing your heart out. Pour some warm happy glow over everyone you love.

You never know when the bus is coming.”

And so I decided to incorporate this idea in my life. Actually, I decided to exhume it. Because I have always been very expressive about my feelings for everyone. I have always made people know how much I cared about them even if they found it uncomfortable or just plain awkward.

But a series of unfortunate events made me close my doors for everyone.

But I decided to turn my life around and have been doing so from the last week. I have been very blatant about my feelings for anyone. I’ve been concentrating on so much positive energy lately that I feel weird. I also realised the amount of time I had been choking in negativity that I forgot how it was to be ‘giddy’ and unconventionally happy.

I promised to myself that never would I let anyone else dim my sparkle. I won’t let someone else’s lack of expressing affect my inner light.

I gathered all my strength and confessed about my high school crush to a guy and his reply just made my day. And while reading it I wondered, “Why didn’t I do this before?”

I’m just reviving my life, catching up with friends, hanging out more, laughing more, eating more. Forgiving myself, forgiving others, writing more, trying to make things better.

So this post is for all those who might be a little grey today, remember, you’re the only one who can make yourself happy. You have the power to take control of that big, beating heart. Change the sheets of your room, arrange your books again, spray some freshener, take a long shower, put on some perfume, take a walk-just do anything. But more importantly, do all these things for yourself.

Tell yourself you’re amazing, even tell your loved ones they’re amazing, people might think you’re eccentric, but hey, it’s the weirdos who do great things.

This might even sound a little difficult to imply, but it’s a challenge. DO IT. Go and tell someone they matter. You’d be surprised at how instantly happy you feel.

Heads up for a positive post.

Go, message your crush now!

The Theory of Geekism

You’ll find them curled up in secluded corners of empty libraries, too engrossed in their precious book to pay attention to the world. You’ll find them lingering quietly in record stores, finding peace among music recorded years ago.

You’ll find their cell phones brimming with pictures full of quotes and notes from strange authors. You’ll always hear them talk about the most random and the most peculiar things in life. They’ll rhapsodize over something as small as a coin or as vast as the ocean.

They see poetry in the buzz of the city, in a heartbreak or a stormy sky. Somehow they’ll relate every situation to some lyric they heard in a track a long time ago or maybe to an incident in the life of their favorite character in a book.

What amazes me about Geekism, is not just the obsession with things that do not exist, but the intense passion they possess for it. Think about it, these people are head over heels for something they can only feel, not touch or see. Or maybe it is something they can see and touch, but it’s more than just a THING for them, they crave it in the most eccentric way.

How amazing is that?

Honestly, I covet these people. People whose eyes light up on the mention of their object of affection. People who know how to feel too deeply; who have more than just a reason to live.

It can be for anything, the passion. It can be for the sky or the stars or just the limpid blue ocean, it can be a book or a sport or maybe a place, but it’s their profound love for it-that is magic. It is how they can’t get enough of it-that is wondrous.

How they’re not ashamed of singing their love for it, how unapologetic-ally expressive they are about it. How honest their love for it is.

And not only this, it amazes me to think, that when these people can romanticize over abstract things and feel infinite beauty in something as simple as the slow patter of the rain, or the smell of the Earth; when they can feel so deeply for things that do not exist, what would happen when they fall in love with a human?

What on Earth would happen when they fall in love with someone who’s right in front of their eyes? What would be the intensity of that passion and how magically would they express it?

They are keepers. They’re loyal to their passion. They understand emotions. If you ever find a passionate human, stick with them. Hold on to them. Don’t let them go.