Talk is Cheap

Every evening at six, I sit amidst a sea of people in a cafe farther down North. The air around me crackles with words I don’t follow. I can’t distinguish voices, so it sounds like a perpetual buzzing of the air. Mouths move, words are uttered but their meaning gets lost in a haze midway.

I take tiny, measured sips of my coffee, its warmth pulsating in my veins; it is my excuse for silence. The cubicle in which I sit is jammed with practiced smiles- not too much; not too little -and conspicuous gulps. The girl with a ruffled bow has her camera out already.

Someone utters something witty and our close knit huddle erupts in laughter. I don’t. My mind is befogged and I’m trying to focus on the label stuck to the bottle of hot sauce.
‘Manufactured in Hogsmeade.’ Peculiar.

I hook a finger in the collar of my turtleneck and pull, craning my neck slightly.
“Geez,” I glance at the sweater less arms around me, “doesn’t anybody else feel the brunt of December?” 

Someone nudges me on the side. I turn and behold a perfect set of eyebrows creased in confusion. Inquiringly, she jerks her head up a little (sensing that my mind was distracted) and attempts to pull me back into the hubbub of the group.

I smile reassuringly and pretend to listen but the buzzing continues. She grins and rejoins the conversation, triumphing at the outcome.
What are they talking about?

I get stuck on a boy opposite me. I wonder if anyone noticed the blotches of ink on his left hand. His eyes are puffy and shoulders are slouching. He looks exhausted and appears skinnier than the last I saw him. But he beams at everyone and clutches his mug tightly, holding on to the warmth he’s paying for.

I look away and peer through  the frosted window I chose to sit next to. The street outside is a greyish blur.
“From the other side of this translucent glass,” I muse, “we must be a blur too. Five silhouettes propped against the golden glow of a cafe.” 

Glancing above I follow a thin wire of dazzling yellow lights. They hang on rusted nails, hammered several Christmases ago.

I’m about to pursue the trail of lights when something happens. A voice hits me and the world zooms into sharp focus. I’m snapped back to clarity and the crisp sound of slurps and munches reaches me. The conversation is suddenly discernible.

“Did anybody notice the sky this evening? It was a distinct, rain-washed midnight blue and I could already see hazy outlines of stars appearing on the horizon when I walked here.” The scruffy boy opposite me sighs and looks around the table, hoping someone would mirror his spirit.

I smile at him feverishly.

See now the table has my attention.

A List of Little Pleasures

For a while now and due to some strange impulse, I have been making a list of some pleasures of life that go painfully unnoticed and unappreciated. I decided to jot down every moment or activity that feel insignificant while they’re happening but in retrospect, they’re pretty special.

It has been a month and these are all the things I call severely underrated and that they should be performed often and with more passion.

Enjoy.

Long walks
Freshly baked cookies
Running
Star gazing
Hand written letters
Staring at the clouds
Eye contact

Ferris wheels
Driving your bike in the rain
Wind
Candles
A caress 
Holding hands
Dancing in the kitchen
Your favorite song on the radio

Karaoke nights
A flower
Campfires
Conversations on park benches
Hot tea on rainy days
Forehead kisses
New toothbrush
Cooking together

Smell of books
Unwrapping presents
Cuddles
A bowl of soup when you come down with flu
New pair of socks
Warming your hands inside the sleeves of your sweater
Dining out alone

Someone tucking your hair behind your ear
Leftovers
Mixtapes
Fireflies
Bedtime stories
Grocery shopping for a special recipe
Rooftops at night
Midnight movie shows


Feel free to add anything you want to this list in the comment section. I’d be happy to know what other small pleasures of life exist in other parts of the world that I’m yet to experience.

Also, do let me know how many of the above things you’ve already experienced.

Let us take a step back and appreciate the little pleasures we are capable of creating and experiencing.

Let’s make this a long list of utter joy. 

 

Love always,

Your blogger.

4 years of Brooding in the Tepid Dusk

4 years ago, on a particularly dreary night, I took the decision of starting a blog. I never gave it too much thought; came up with the name ‘Brooding in the Tepid Dusk’ and thus began my journey of writing all the things I can probably never say in person.

Ironically, today I find myself short of words to express how grateful I am to anyone who has ever visited BITD. The real purpose of this blog was for me to open up. To talk about things that I can’t talk about with people around me.
To make sense of the world I live in.

I never thought anyone would ever bother reading what I wrote here. That this place would be a void where I rambled away the confusion in my mind. But in these 4 years, I made so many friends here, interacted personally with so many of you.

I was stunned, that people on this blog not only read what I wrote, but also understood. They empathized and I even received some very loving e-mails from people of so many countries.

It’s crazy how important this blog has become to me. It’s the place I go to when I’m not okay. Somehow, all of you, you wonderful WordPress community makes it okay.

I grew up learning from all of you. I was 18 when I started writing here, when I was going through, what I call the most emotionally challenging period of life so far and this blog got me through all of it. You guys got me through all of it.

I once read this thought that the idea is to not live forever, but to leave something behind that does.

I feel really fortunate to think that if someday I’m not here, at least this little space I created on the internet always will. The things I wrote here will stay. All the people I’ve interacted with will, at some point in their life, remember me.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you. For assuring me that all these thoughts in my mind make sense.

122 Posts, 841 followers, 16435 blog hits, 1790 shares, 2984 likes.

And I’m only getting started.

 

Love always,

Your blogger.

All About Perspectives

A couple of weeks back, while scouring the internet for cute dog videos (because dogs are love-deal with it) I happened to land on a page that described Nietzsche’s theory of perspectivism.
Don’t even get me started on how that escalated.

Now I have read bits and pieces of his philosophies, but never felt like ‘delving deep’ into the ideas he propagated. Philosophers and too much philosophy can mess with your mind.

So after I devoured the Wikipedia page enough to satiate my mind, I felt a certain sense of ..pride? Let me elucidate the point I’m trying to make by using (Hermione’s) my time turner and taking you back to the year 2014.

I’m a firm believer in perspectives. I feel that people never truly tell you information in its true form, but rather their version of it.

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Is it a room, a painting, the sky or a building?

Every person has this window of comprehension. The bigger the window, the wider the perspective. Knowledge that we receive is always torn, bent, twisted, interpreted and distorted by the mind that delivers it. It’s never really ..pure.

This is what I have been believing since the last three years. And now that I found there’s an actual theory justifying and claiming the same thing is unreal! I mean the fact that a small, private and less discussed principle I’ve withheld and believed in for so long resonates with an actual philosophy from, what history calls, one of the greatest philosophers of all time – Nietzsche, is surreal! I think I should be allowed to have a fleeting, teeny-tiny moment of pride?

But if you apply this theory to every piece of information you’ve ever received, it can seem a little scary.

Whatever news you watch on the television, is a version and interpretation of the journalists and the writers, apart from factual information of course.

Like I read somewhere once,‘How do you know your hero is righteous, if you haven’t heard the story from the villain’s perspective.’

Perspectives and point of views can revamp both the connotation and the core idea behind an event.

The book critic might consider Lord of the Rings to be the greatest work of fantasy but maybe it isn’t? (Psstt ..it is.)

So our opinions are limited to our window (or scope) of perceiving it.

There is no truth, there are only perspectives.

One person’s idea of the ‘right’ kind of behavior might not conform with yours?

This entire blog article right here is also a perspective. Care to refute?


Note- Once upon a time there was this weird, ethereal boy in my class. His hobbies included doodling on tables, minimal human interaction and secretly seeking the meaning of the universe.  We spent two years in Middle school which consisted of him doodling on the table and I admiring it. That was the only human form of interaction he was programmed for.

Then we lost touch and he left the city.(Or maybe he went to another galaxy to fulfill some strange odyssey?) But years later in 2017 and due to some very peculiar turn of events, we met again! And now that he’s capable of having a human like conversation and even telling me about his plans to open a music store, I can safely vouch for the credibility of his blog, that he’s launched very recently.

People of WordPress, please spare some time and visit my very talented friend Yash’s blog. He has phenomenal writing skills and his comic books (that he creates when he’s on Earth for the time being) are a cherry on the cake. He talks of abstract stuff superimposed with a witty sense of humor, creative metaphors and peculiar diagrammatic representations of kebab rolls.

His blog is:

Bipolar Bear

Do visit and leave a review. Both the writer and the blog mean a lot to me.

I’d be grateful.

Premio Dardos

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I’m a terrible person. I’m the most obnoxiously horrendous person you’ll ever meet. I might just throw myself down a cliff. I’m so sorry Ruchi I forgot about this award you nominated me for some time back. I’m really sorry, I mean I THOUGHT I’d do it later but the ignod that I am, I forgot. Again, I’m so sorry.

So, keeping the self-loathing and the guilt aside,

Thank you to the wonderful author Ruchi of the more than wonderful blog  https://cometravelalong.wordpress.com/ . If you’re looking to have some travel adventures from the eyes of an intrigued Indian, this is your place to go to. And as I always say in every award post, to some people these awards might seem like a futile activity and you may as well shadow them in your ignorance; your choice.

But if you choose to revamp your point of view, one must look at these as a frequent ‘pat on your backs’ and a very modest and polite way to let you know you’re on the right path. These little things help give us a little push we require if we drag ourselves on the road.
They are a resurgence for those who’re a little lost and a motivation to those who’re already doing well.
So this one goes to all the awards out there.

Dear Awards,
Don’t be disheartened, there are some people who care about you. 😛
Love,
Aakansha.

About this Award and Rules:

dardosAnd here are the people I choose to nominate, if not necessarily 15 they all are incredibly kind and talented.

Deeksha from http://undertheblazingsun.wordpress.com – She’s a beginner, so help her by visiting and giving a feedback. 🙂

Jithin from http://trablogger.wordpress.com He’s not a beginner but he’s a good guy with one of the best travel pictures I’ve seen.

Allie from http://wearenewromantics.wordpress.com. She has a very interesting blog, check her out.

Pratyush from http://englishphilia.wordpress.com. Also someone who’s beginning to explore the possibilities in WordPress, give your cooperation.

Veronica from http://kikalavil.wordpress.com. A nice blog post to read. Do visit her.

Anonymous from https://justmostgirls.wordpress.com/ This 15 year old has some very fascinating and amusing views! One blog you HAVE to check out!

Brian from http://vancouvervisions.com/  A very kind, fresh and inspiring blog.

Anonymous from http://albiontoamerica.wordpress.com. A view of America from the eyes of a British Citizen. Check out this blog.

Anonymous from http://tastehitch.wordpress.com. Again some rather amusing tales of Bankok from the eyes of a Brit!

Upen from http://voiceurmind.wordpress.com. Skillful uses of rhymes and lyrics and words. You’ll enjoy this blog.

Anna from http://www.olivevienna.wordpress.com She’s a beautiful and a brilliant writer. I have enjoyed all her posts!

Kassie from http://kassafrass.com. Undoubtedly, one of my favorite blogs on wordpress and one of my favorite persons! 🙂

Anonymous from http://graypoet.wordpress.com. THE BEST poetry blog I’ve come across. THE BEST.

From what I noticed; so many people in my Followers and Follow list  have never interacted or communicated with me or my posts. They have somehow preferred being a silent observer. I appreciate your decision but it’s sort of sad to see so many people who chose to read my posts but have never given me their thoughts and opinions.
Blogging is a community. A place where we interact and share our views and thoughts and ramblings. Every kind of a person and every kind of a thought is welcomed and encouraged and appreciated. Fell free to communicate and always believe that no matter what you write we’d understand and encourage!

Whether or not you choose to accept and do the formalities of this award is your decision, but I’d request each one of you nominated to do it and give everyone a chance. 

Thank you so much to each one of you who’s been a part of my blogging journey. It’s been a spectacular odyssey!

Ideas!

I still remember when I made the decision to blog; almost a year back. It was all out of impulse, nothing specific. When I began writing initially my mind was brimming with stuff to write, so much to rant about. But as time proceeded my mind became empty, or at least I felt it became empty. I saw all these beautiful posts from absolutely talented people and I wondered where do they get the IDEA from? Why don’t I have anything to write about. Something nice; something genuine.

Slowly I realized I was pushing myself too hard. I understood that I should not stress on my mind to fetch ideas, I must let the ideas come to me. And the day this realization dawned upon me they started coming in one by one. As of now I’m never devoid of ideas, now I feel I have so many things to write about that sometimes I forget, as I mentioned here.

And although I never told you all and I have no idea if it’s the same case with you guys, but to me ideas come at night. When I’m finally switching off the lights of my room and I hear them coming. I hear the ground below rumbling and I feel them thundering towards me from a far, mystical land I don’t recognize and I understand that if I don’t grab a pen or paper I’d loose them as they pass through me and they’d go to some other writer far away. I know, it may sound lame, but IT HAPPENS. It really does.

I don’t understand this phenomena, but if in any case I miss those IDEAS they keep troubling me throughout. Like they leave behind a minuscule part of them in my mind to bother me.

What surprises me, is they never announce their entrance. They always come in unlikely situations. When I’m driving I obviously don’t have a pen and a paper to jot them down, so I keep repeating my ideas in my mind so I don’t forget them until I reach my destination and pen them down rigorously. Same happens at night as well. Good thing I have a notepad and a pen beside my bed.

About a week before I was watching a TED Talk by the lovely Elizabeth Gilbert. It’s called ‘Your Elusive Creative Genius’ and when she explained my psyche in words;I was in awe. All this while I couldn’t figure out what happened to me but she just said it-right there. Technically that poet said it but anyway.

Here, see for yourself. (For the main part skip to 10:10)

You can watch the rest of the TED Talk as well. It’s brilliant.

Although it’s creepy how they visit me, I always welcome those mysterious carriers of ideas. They might have unorthodox methods of visiting me, but they do help this Indian writer to jot something down on her little blog for you lovely people to read.

How do your ideas fetch you?

To be posted when you hit 200

Dear Readers,
I hope you all are doing really well and I wish this week is bringing you all the love and luck.

In all honesty, I wrote the above line 3 times and deleted it and then wrote it again because  I have no idea what I was writing.

Why I was writing it? I can give you an answer to that.

Today I hit 200 followers on WordPress and I couldn’t be more grateful and delighted. I still remember when I initiated blogging, I thought nobody would be interested in anything I wrote and that I’d end up ranting about petty things by myself.

But there were different plans for me and as of today I’ve managed to hold up a repository of the most kind-hearted and wonderful 200 people I could assemble. WordPress gave me people I  wish I’d be friends with. The kind of people I wished I could meet in real life. As in person-not just a gravatar image.

Most important of all-I found that there are humans who share my thoughts and feelings and make me realize that I’m not alone in this. There are people out there in the remotest  corners of the world, across vast oceans and seas who understand me and relate to my psyche and make me believe that I’m not insane.

You all wonderful souls have been superfluously kind to me and have helped me nurture and grow into the girl I am today. I’ve learned so much from each one of you and have somehow found little parts of my thoughts in your words-which is a rare phenomena in my life.

Once again, I’m eternally grateful to anyone reading this post, follower or not, to have spared 2 minutes of your time in reading and understand the rambling and rants of this confused, perplexed and a little lost 18 year old.

Thank you all so much.

Love Always,
Aakansha. 🙂

Nominated for: Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

Okay, so blogging couldn’t get any more awesome for me! Nominated for yet another award “Booyeah!” 😀 So firstly, thank you so much Alicia for nominating me, I’m heartily grateful. Do check out her blog as well, she’s an amazing photographer. 🙂

http://motleyprints.wordpress.com/

Honestly, it’s little things and encouragements like these that keep us bloggers motivated and going. I always feel giddy whenever I get some recognition for my work, and this time is no different. So, ‘Yaayy Me!’

 

sisterhoodworldbloggers

 

The Guidelines:

Thank and link the person who nominated you. Add the award to your post and site. Answer 10 questions provided to by the person nominating you. Provide 10 questions of your own to be answered by those you nominate. Nominate your bloggers for the award. (AND comment on their blogs to inform them.)

10 Questions I’m required to answer-:

1.)What is your favorite color and why?

Well, I have to say Black. I know you might think of it as ominous or dark or well .. ghastly. But c’mon, black is like the king of colors. Be it a sumptuous Gala dinner or a funeral-it goes well with all the occasions plus, it suits me a lot.

2.) What is your happiest childhood memory?

I have to say every moment spent with my best friend is a happy memory. 🙂 (We are BFF’s since childhood)

3.)If you could travel anywhere where would it be and why?

You know, I don’t want to limit myself to one place. I want to travel the whole wold, from the packed streets of New York to the serene sidewalk of Paris. Every nook and corner.

4.)What hobbies do you enjoy?

*Hands Up* I confess I’m a pretty versatile person when it comes to hobby. Which means that I LOVE SINGING AND MUSIC-I would practically die without my playlist and also love art and craft. I enjoy watching football and also READING. I would quietly spend my whole life in a library.

5.)What is your least favorite food?

Hmm. *LEAST* favorite food, well, I hate broccoli, Ridged gourd and Bitter Gourd. *Tries not to throw up*

6.)If you were given $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

Pack my bags, take my best friend and go on a vacation. Somewhere remote and peaceful.

7.)Which flower do you feel best describes you?

Orchids. They are colorful and lively.

8.)Puppies or kittens?

Puppies any day!

9.)Which season is your favorite and why?

WINTER! WINTER! WINTER! Why? Well, I published an entire post about this! There’s something eerily magical and tempting about the smoothness of the snow and the soft chilly winds. *Drools*

10.)If you could swap lives with a celebrity, who would it be and why?

Danneel Harris Ackles. WHY? Because she’s the wife of the hottest man on Earth-Jensen Ackles.

 

10 QUESTIONS FOR MY NOMINEES:

1) What is the one thing that you would or would not want to change about yourself.

2)Confess something daring about yourself.

3)What superpower would you want to have?

4)If you ever got the chance to meet me, would you?

5)Who inspires you the most?

6)What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?

7)Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

8)Mountains or Plains?

9)What is that one particular thing you’re scared of the most? (Be Honest)

10)What do you think about my blog and why do you follow it?

Will be looking forward to your answers! 🙂

 

And now with great pleasure I nominate:

Debi Rotmil of http://orderofthegoodwrite.wordpress.com/ 🙂

Lena Bitare of http://lenanoid.wordpress.com/ 🙂

and,

booksiedasie of http://booksiedaisie.wordpress.com/

Have Fun! 😀

 

Happy Anniversary to Me!

So 24th of August, 2014 marks the 1 year anniversary of my blog. I’d like to take a moment and thank all of my wonderfully supportive and brilliant followers. This wouldn’t have been possible without you all. I cannot begin to explain how much this means to me and to what infinite extent I’m elated..

Writing has always been and will always be my second love. First being music. An year before I used to scribble all my thoughts into a diary. A place where I used to take it all out. All those things and all the countless emotions that create a storm in my head. I have so much brimming inside my mind’s vessel, that I’m afraid if it doesn’t come out, I’m going to explode.

I write to give myself solace. Not for competition, not for keeping myself busy, but for my own selfish self. To take in the world and give it back in differently. I write about my obsession. My cogitative mind luring me into penning down what goes on inside of me. I’d perceive myself as a little different from others. People may not see it the first time they meet me. But all those who’ve managed to climb the wall I’ve built around me, know it well enough.

I feel a little misunderstood. It never comes out correctly when I try to speak. However, it emerges magically when I let my fingers do the job. I hope what I write touches someone’s heart somewhere. I hope it can calm their turbulence just like it calms mine. And I pray that whether and if there is someone who is hanging on to my writings, he continues getting all the composure and calm he needs.

I wish I could tinkle a glass of champagne with all those people who’ve been a part of this incredulous journey. I’m incredibly euphoric and I deeply wish you all understand my delight.  Thank you all again. Cheers!

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